


I need that dark In a little more light

by TortiTabby



Series: Bingo fics 2019! [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: BBC Radio 1, Bullying, M/M, hurt comfort, ptsd related issues, reading festival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-07 12:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20975570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TortiTabby/pseuds/TortiTabby
Summary: Dan runs into someone in his past at Reading Festival who was never much of a friend.





	I need that dark In a little more light

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to outphan for beta reading for me!! <3  
This is my Writer's Choice square because I couldn't get this idea out of my head.  
  
Title from Save Rock and Roll by Fall Out Boy

Dan couldn’t believe that this was his life. He never would have imagined waking up and getting ready to go down to Reading Festival. To be there on the media side of things and have interviews prepared for big bands and artists, some he’d been listening back when he was a kid, back when he went to the short distance from his home to Reading Festival with all his mates and got drunk off his ass.

“Are you ready for today?” Phil laughed and bumped against Dan’s shoulder. The coffee from his decorative cup spilled over the top and splashed his fingers. He gifted the cup to Dan and shook his hand out with a laugh. 

“I can’t believe we’re here actually working at Reading Festival.”

  
  
  
  
  


“Okay I’ll be right back. Did you want anything?”

“I’m seriously craving some burgers. I’m  _ actually _ starving,” Phil joked and flopped back into their offensively red tent. They only had a few hours left of the evening before this whole experience was over and if either of them had any energy to spare Dan was sure they would mourn the experience being almost over. 

He smiled to himself as he navigated through the busy crowds buzzing with excitement for the acts they waited to see. 

Dan had just convinced himself that the two of them deserved to try the burgers that were far too expensive and found a place in line when he heard someone shout his name.

“Hey, Dan! Daniel Howell!” A hand was placed eagerly on his arm.

Dan spun around. The man dropped his arm but was smiling from ear to ear. His brain scrambled to place him. It was a face he knew. Someone he was met with a violent want to be away from but was having trouble placing them.

“Jason!” It all came rushing back as Dan sputtered the name. 

Jason was one of his ‘friends’ he hung around in a group he was never  _ really _ a part of. They were all ‘emo’ and ‘outcasts’ but they never let Dan really into their group. They never really cared about Dan. They laughed when other kids called him gay along with an endless list of other slurs and names every single day. They sat quietly when Dan was tripped or punched. When Dan was lifted against a wall by his throat. 

Dan did not want to chat and catch up with Jason. He should have figured he’d see someone he knew here. Reading Festival was massive and full of more and more people each year but nearly everyone of his old friends went every year. 

Jason was one of the ‘friends’ who ignored Dan when they all went together one year. He was never once an actual good friend to Dan and Dan didn’t resent it so much as he could go the rest of his life without seeing his face again.

“Oh, uh, hey.” He felt out of his depths. It was like he was the lost boy desperately trying to disappear and fit in at the same time all over again.

“Well how are you?” Jason laughed. “I can’t believe you are out there working for the BBC! How did that even happen?” He said it like it was the funniest joke in the world. Dan didn’t feel like laughing. 

“Crazy.” Dan nodded and plastered on a fake smile. He was successful and happy. He had a right to feel a little smug about it.

"So you've been good then I'd imagine? Oh! I almost forgot, how rude." He pulled a tall blonde man over by his sleeve. "This is my boyfriend, Ethan! Ethan, I've told you about Dan before. From school?" 

Dan felt his inside freeze. Boyfriend.  _ Boyfriend _ ? How could he respond to that? How could someone who stood by and watch Dan be tormented day after day silently be someone that was supposed to be like him? In his circle? How could someone understand how Dan felt but laughed while box cutters in art class were thrown his way? 

Dan swayed on his feet. He needed to be as far away from Jason as humanly possible. His stomach turned at the sight of the burger sign. 

Jason jumped out of the way just as Dan retched all over where his feet were seconds before. 

"Woah someone needs to lay off the beers! Aren't you supposed to be working? Ah I think you got some on my feet!" 

Dan didn’t look back up. He couldn’t make himself lift his head and meet the eyes that were acting like they used to be the best of friends all while Dan hated waking up every morning. 

He pushed his way back through the crowd, ignoring the fact that he could hear Jason call after him, clearly confused. 

He staggered through the mass of faceless people, his heart still pounding away loudly in his chest. 

“Dan?” 

He slowed to a stop and glanced up at Phil. He hadn’t even realized he was back to their tent already.

“Where’s our food?” Phil jutted out his bottom lip dramatically. 

Dan stood and stared at him blankly.

“Dan?” Phil eyed him wearily and climbed out of the tent.. 

“What happened?” Phil asked.

Dan shook his head and brushed past him to crawl into the tent. He left it unzipped in the hope that Phil would fill in the blanks and follow him. He felt his chest unclench a tiny bit when he did. 

He sat back towards the back of their tiny tent and watched as Phil zipped it up with shaking hands. 

“Dan what happened are you okay?” 

Dan pulled his knees to his chest and shook his head. Phil knew his past trauma and the bullshit he was left with. It was a topic they touched lightly in the beginning and gingerly revisit periodically. 

The tent filled with the same coldness that took up too much space between them in the last year.

“ _ Dan _ . Please talk to me. You’re hyperventilating. It’s scaring me.” 

Dan realized with a start that his lungs were working over time with awful little sobs each time he breathed in. He reached for Phil who was at his side immediately, clearly grateful that it wasn’t a time his touch wasn’t welcomed.

“Here, Dan, match my breathing, come on.” He wrapped an arm around Dan’s back and took slow even breaths. “In. And out.”

Dan followed suit slowly but surely calming down and breathing normally. A loud laugh a few feet away from the tent startled Dan out of Phil’s arms.

“We’re at Reading, I forgot. We need to-”

“We don’t have anything planned until hours from now.” Phil pulled Dan back down gently yet firmly. “You don’t have to tell me what’s going on but you can.” 

“Ran into an old- old ….  _ Friend” _ Dan spat quietly. “One of the ones who would just watch and laugh as other kids would call me gay and kick me, throw things at me, choke me for it. He’d laugh, Phil. I ran into him on the way to get food and he introduced me to his  _ boyfriend _ .” Dan turned to see Phil’s expression, sure that he would be the good person that Dan knew him as and would express sympathy.

Phil huffed out an angry breath. Dan saw his free hand clench tight into a fist, his knuckles turning white. He gawked at the clear rage radiating from Phil. “I’m sorry, Dan. You shouldn’t have dealt with that then and you shouldn’t have to see their faces now.” 

Dan was quiet for a moment before he barked a laugh. Phil looked at him in confusion, his face glowing red from the tent. 

“I threw up on his feet.” 

Phil didn't laugh and just frowned at him in worry but Dan just laid his head down on his shoulder and hummed. 

“Why does he get to be so comfortable? Why does he get to be out and feel safe introducing his boyfriend to people while I’m so fucked up?” 

“You’re not fucked up, Dan.” Phil murmured. 

"Do you want me to give you a list of reasons you're great? Reasons why I love you and feel so lucky to be with you?"

Dan shook his head against Phil's collar and snuggled in closer. "Don't feel like crying."

Phil made a noise of agreement before crouching and looking over at Dan. He looked ridiculously huge in the tiny tent. 

"Let's go watch Fall Out Boy, then. I think it's time for fun." 

Dan agreed and took the hand offered to him. He made sure to give it an extra squeeze before letting go. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
